Building Boundaries without breaking relationships
A practical how to:
Too often, we’ve heard or are a part of the break room conversations of, “What are you doing this weekend”? With the begrudging response, “Ugh, going to (insert dreaded task).” This can be long-awaited plans with inlaws, outgrown friendship connections that we no longer enjoy, or other social obligations we feel pressured to be a part of. While these are only a few reasons we dread events, the other most common reasons are being tired, stressed, overstimulated or oversharing (from ourselves, or hearing a little TMI from someone else).
If you’re anything like I was, you’ve experienced every single one of these feelings over and over but have never taken the time to see why you were feeling like this. Well friend, I have to burst your bubble…
If you’re feeling dread more often than not in your relationships and plans, you may need to implement better boundaries.
Now hear me out, today there is the toxic culture of boundaries which is a subliminal way for individuals to ghost eachother unnecessarily, that is not what I’m talking about. What I am talking about is using Godly principles to bring balance into your life, to stop oversharing and to create healthy and enjoyable time with others.
God's word has so many pointers on how to avoid feeling overwhelmed with your relationships and how to create healthy boundaries. Below, I will share a few scriptures that have helped me to create HEALTHYguilt free boundaries.
RULE 1: Do not participate in things that tear you down or make you feel bad. If there is something/someone you need to forgive, do it, and move on in a NEW direction.
Scripture: Proverbs 4:23: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Practical tip: If you and a loved one can’t seem to meet eye to eye on a subject, meet in the middle; come up with a new plan or agree to stop or take a break from that particular thing (if an agreement isn’t possible it’s fine to take a personal break too)!
RULE 2: Do not over-extend yourself or agree to things that are not constructive
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:23 I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.
Practical tip: Lean into the things that you enjoy, as for the things that you hate doing (evaluate why and determine if you need to cut these things out of your list of plans because they don’t aid in making your life better). Cut as many of these events out as possible and replace them with things that are good for you..
EXAMPLE: I don’t enjoy long-distance running, so rather than meeting my fitness enthusiast of a friend for a morning jog or meeting at the gym. We opt for hikes and long walks which we both enjoy!
RULE 3: Space out times of fellowship! Enjoy time with groups of people and times of solitude for rest, relaxation, and self-care.
Scripture: Proverbs 25:17 Don’t visit your neighbors too often, or you will wear out your welcome.
Practice Tip: Space out time with loved ones on a spaced-out and recurring schedule so you’re not overwhelmed with planning and have enough time in between meetings to look forward to the next! What’s the old quote? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? This scripture made me laugh as it came off a bit harsh to read, but think of it this way: no one needs constant companionship, and it’s okay to take a break!
RULE 4: Refuse to tear down others or overshare!
Scripture Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Practical tip: It’s safe to ask yourself, “What is the purpose of this conversation? Or is this conversation building someone else up or myself? Is this conversation positive?” If you get negative answers to this question, nine times out of ten, it’s not worth having.
Implementing these tips will not be easy but they will definitely be worth it! They will help you to get back on track to enjoying time with others with boundaries that keep you comfortable and confident.
